A year gone...A year to come!!!

15days remaining for a new year to start ....all of a sudden I felt like to look back in the past and take a sneak-peek at how my year went!.... Compare to all those headlines that come up in a newspaper everyday.. my year went all Okay!.. Everything had its mix of ups and downs...At some point I was the happiest person alive.. and at some point I found my life very terrible to bear with! First....  I fumbled many times and then still managed to get a great bunch of friends....At present state,they are the ones for whom I am willing to do anything within my reach!,well I dont know about future...  what we all lead up to......but I guess unless something really really  bad ( ps: I dont mean some bad momnts or emotional fluctuations...but rather want to focus in misunderstanding!) crops up .... we all will be sharing this bond for a pretty much longer time! Second, I am the kind of person who is all the time very busy in what others think about me...  and in a way I always try to create a better image of myself so that no matter what I dont get hated by anyone.... so for that reason ... to a fair deal.. I have a Lot of friends now evn before though! ... (apart from my close ones)! And that has gone to another level this year where I am friends with many many people .... all thanks goes to every Social Networking Sites I have ever logged in to  :p  Third.. Like all years, I tried to be a good daughter to my parents.... which like every year I failed  in various ways..  umm like every other parents I dont remember my ones saying anything good about me.which prooves I failed them.. and so I guess I need to keep up with the same resolution next year too...... Fourth..... A little angel has walked into our family.... my cousin-sister.... possibly the best thing that haaas happend in my family :) ... Fifth...I got into my Branch..and got to know Cse in  a little way possible .. made more friends :) .. though I am not much in love with my branch but I guess there's still a little fondness which would probably help me in completing my course for the nxt 5 sems ! Then..this year I fell in love!An unexpected,unbiased,demandless Love ...  Probably the greatest achievmnt out of this was that I grew up as a better person.. Well not that I became sensible and all ...may be I somehow learned to accept things as it is without having any hard feelings :)  Seventh.. I lost few kgs!!! Well that was not much physically distinguishable but atleast my weighing machine said so!!! :) Eighth....I am loving my Hostel Life! I fell in love with it this year itself...
The single room,♡ the next-door girlfriend :p ♡ The upstairs and downstairs girl-friends♡ the late night coffes ♡the baseless ( read : wrekless, pointless, dirty , nuisance talks!)♡ few seniors♡ me as a senior♡ everything sums up as a Happy Hostel Life :) Ninth.... everything above written.  do sums up as a happy College Life :) Tenth ...  talking about college life.... how could I forget to mention about my First College Fest attended .... God, whenever I recall it...some kind of happy butterfies start flying inside my stomach with a huge grin in my Face! :)  way bigger then this smiley .....
Eleventh ....well the much awaited Tamasha released and that made half of my year as charming as possible :) :D Twelfth.Thirteenth.. Fourteenth..... and the count still continues...... but at last everything sums up as a good year.... with more 15 days left... and my expectations still ride high!! So let see.......  What happens Next in the New Year To come :)

Tu koi aur hain.... Jaanta hain tu, Samne is jahaan pe ik naqaaab hain!!!

Sometimes when you watch a certain movie of your favourite actor(read: favourite as in highly obsessed like a crazy fanatic bitch! Inshort u seem too suffer from OCD once his name is taken!) , you behave as if when he laughs.. you r the most happiest person in this planet and god forbid! When he cries ,it seems like the whole world has broken down!!! You tend to sync with the actor so well that his on-screen image becomes like a mirror for you and you follow it rigourously ..But then when you re-watch the movie over and over again, you understand that it was not “him” nor his acting that was more appealing to you!... it was all about the character he potrayed!!!

While watching the character u sense a Déjà vu in it! and the similarities are not with anyone or anything.. its all with you! All the while you were rigorously trying to copy ur self and be a reflection when already u are  the mirror!  Funny!!!!!...........the story was yours, the reason of joy was yours and the reason he was crying was already known to you since it was Your story! You are left with mixed emotions…

Now..surrounded amongst the cloud of questions is you and you are poured with their  showers !!! .. they are asking you… Who are u?What are u?Why do u have to listen to everyone else’s order? Why don’t u have any opinion of urs? Why is that everything .in ur life is so under-fulfilled???!Why is that in spite of being so jolly.. u still seek for happiness ?!What do u aim at? What are u good at??????!!!!

These all cramp up ur brain.. give u head ache, and even attempt to give you a hemorrhage! You are left to do nothing, but just stare at those blank walls!!! But then u see a crack .. a crack in the wall!! This is it!!! This is wat u wre looking for.. a crack! so that all the solutions to ur problem seeps in !!Out of the zillion solutions coming up.. u wander around for the right answer…. And then u finally come up.. one day! You realize that all the solutions to ur problems lies within you..i.e. you already knew the answer!

You laugh… laugh at such a big fool you are! Laugh at the “havoc” that you have created for yourself . But then  u get up… get SUITED UP! ,cos u know u have fumbled once, fallen down many times but this time u have risen up with an aim!! An aim to make every next step of yours as LEGEN-wait-for-it-DARY!!

*Post-realization when u have watched Ranbir Kapoor's Tamasha atleast for 10 times

The Girl Next DOOR

Days passed and I have happily shifted into the hostel premises of IIA,Delhi  and funny thing is  Jhili too shifted along with me not as my roomie but come ‘on  we live in the same hostel infact in  the same block which  means each one of us individually have 2 rooms to stay !  J . College life is all about being  awesome  with everyone hooking up and getting commited  with someone or the other  but sadly it seems like  I am the one left to stare at the walls !!.Asmit is already in half relation with a girl which he never accepts but everyone of us can see , Gyan has a crush on one of our classmate and infact he is starting to talk to her ,then Deven given how funny he is.. has the most ironical love stoy of  being in love with a girl who has no idea of what he feels and he has no intentions to reveal it to her rather wants to take everything slow and then there is  Jhili who is highly fascinated to the guy with  whom she danced during the freshers which was  orgnised by our seniors . Left out was me, I havnt yet found anyone good enough for my attention.Exactly,  I have never typecasted anyone neither I have ever discussed about my type  but all I want is some one who is caring enough and of all sake is funny ! .Well that’s a common type for anyone  nothing much of a biggie .. I always had that one specific rule of not falling in love wid anyone from my  group and thankfully none of us did dat and we are specifically happy about it .  I guess me not being in love with someone or having a crush was very shortlived as the days were pretty much numbered , soon I was about to be in love and that happen on an idle day…  I was there.. my phone was there… and the facebook account was there ,… I was just looking through all the request that the facebook account suggested and yes I met the face ..  a cute guy with beautiful eyes which is pretty much unnatural to boys to have them…  a wide smile with perfect teeth and a gaze with his chin upwards showing off a lot of attitude. Well I never actually liked guys  with attitude but obviously there is more to him for which my heart  got stuck on him.. He wasn’t there in my friendlist.. yet  my ego is big enough to not to sent him any request but I came to know more a about him from Gyan and Deven . They all are very good friends from school and he is studying engineering in  a college not in Delhi  outside somewhere near Chennai .Deven told me more about him ..his love for bollywood(same pinch) . .. and  loves music (same pinch).. crazy fanatic of cricket (more or less same.. I used acquire a lot of knowledge before going to college)..and  was a happy-go-lucky-persona that was all I knew about him… well for many days I used to go through his account and never sent him da request but somehow.. the night after freshers … there was it.. His Request !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in  the seventh heaven….. It took me  a while to accept his  request..And then the  next wait was all about getting a single   message from him.. and that never happened.. until and unless I gathered some courage and sent him

Me: Hi J

He: hey…

I was terribly scared and  confused and didn’t want myself to sound desparate at any cost

Me: oh! Actually It was a dare n my friends told me  to text da 1^st prson whose name comes in the newsfeed

(God … wth .. what the hell m I saying …)

He: oh I c….

Me( too desparate and frightened): ok nyways I wudnt mind makng new frnds… so u in VIT?

He: yes… and u???

This conversation continued for a while which was further ruined by me because I sent him this damned J smiley !!! … and as statics speak  whenever u sent a smiley .. the person who replies u back in words is either ur best friend or has a crush on you , and in my case he is none!  So there was no reply… and my ego issues were too much which resited me from texting anymore further! L

The Girl Next DOOR

Narrator Disha herself,

“ Areh…. Doi ta to kheye jaaa” screamed my aunt from the other side of the kitchen….. “ it is believed that  u will have good fortune if u have curd before doing any noble work, since its ur first day in college I insist u have this doi (curd)” explained my aunt , without any hesitation I obeyed her orders and had the curd despite of my dislike for it. In my head, I was worried and scared …. 1^st day of college!!! I simply headed towards the car with my mesho( uncle).

It was a huge college . With all such sophisticated infrastructure and beautiful spacious lawns one can easily understand why its is one of the most prestigious college in the country. I gave my 1^st step  through the huge gate infront of me. Mind u ! when I say huge I mean it. Around  20 feet high  above the ground a lies the huge gate with a well built structured dome above, and in the pillars had “INDIAN INSTITUTE OF ARCHITECTURE, DELHI “  engraved with gold paintings . The gate itself signified how beautiful the college is .. I checked out my name in Fresher’s list , 15^th  no. said Disha De  Room no. NB 403. I somehow figured where the newest crowd was gathered and then joined the buzz which pushed me towards the class . Now the biggest question was where to sit !! with whom to sit !.. I saw 1 seat left in the second bench..”May I sit here?” I asked the girl sitting next to the blank seat. “ I don’t see anyones name written so I guess u can sit” she smiled. I quietly sat eavesdropping the conversation which my bench mate and the three boys behind my bench where having. I figured that these all four where classmates and perhaps best friends . The first half of the class was over ,now there’s a break for 1 hour and I haven’t still opened my mouth . It seemed like a great achievement, provided the kind of chatter box I was! .

“ its break, lets hang out” she said to her friends and then all of a sudden realized that I was sitting next to her all the while .

 “ hey , I am Jhili and u are ?”  she asked .

“  Disha De” I smiled.

“De?!... hmmm Bengali?”

“ Yes”

“ Oh well , I am too a Bengali … from which state ??? West Bengal??”

I denied and said “Tripura” dreading the next question about the whereabouts of my birthplace. Well , India might be the developing country in the world but even the top aristocrat people has less knowledge about their 28 states and 7 UT . I have been answering many people about where and what is Tripura. It is to be notified that Tripura is India’s Second highest literate state after Kerala but still people donot know! But to my surprise Jhili went on to speak something else which came by as she knew the place  which I came to know was credited to her mother who is a geography teaher.     

“ Hmm.. well my mom and dad both are from Kolkata.. and I am also born there but brought up here in Delhi.. and hey.. meet my friends Asmit, Gyan and Deven… they are my schoolmates and we four are together here”… I waved a Hi to each one of them … “ Why don’t u join us for the lunch break .. u seem to be alone”.. she continued. I accepted her invitation  and had a chit chat with them in the mess .Infact , I liked them all.. Jhili was a kind girl , a blabber mouth with one distorted ear piercing and smart to deal with everyone around her.. Asmit . the guy  with a mushroom cut more enjoyable because of his cheesy-flirty talks , not that I enjoy them but the way he says those u don’t feel bad or weird about it and then the good looking guy in the group Gyan behaves like a typical protective brother of Jhili   and he is a total movie and music freak … like me for which I could connect well with him. Last but not the least Deven , the funniest guy I have ever met till date..  he seriously has  a great sense of humour. In an all, they were great people. Actually they tried their level best to make me comfortable when they came to know that I am an outsider and staying with my uncle and aunt for a while and will quickly be  shifting to hostel  . Honestly I liked their company even … good and great people to be with , infact I felt lucky to sit next to Jhili unaware of the kind of people they are . Well, they turned out surprisingly good and I just somehow remembered Hrithiks dialogue in ZNMD “ sab kuch likha hua hain  :p”, I was destined to sit near them and have them as my good friend .

TO BE CONTINUED….

The Girl Next DOOR....

She was getting drenched in the heavy rain outside the railway station , waiting for her uncle to come . Her lucky blue Tshirt was now hugging her tightly with her hairs clinging to her face making it hard for her to see anything. Bad luck for her, both her hands where completely busy gathering all those stuffs she was made to carry by her mother… the box full of rassagullas, the puffed rice balls, some typical spices … all for her aunt whose house she will stay for the next four years in Delhi and her huge VIP bag. Somehow she figured some small space in the local seats for the travelers n quietly she sat there…. Still waiting for her uncle. Suddenly a huge crowd passed in front of her out of these there was one familiar voice  calling out “DISHA!... DISHA!”. It was her name… some one was calling out her name! pretty obvious it was her uncle down there calling her as loud as possible…. She rushed to him n like a protective father he guided her to his car and gave a huge explanation with an apology about why  he was late. “ Its ok mesho! I know u have a lot of work, I could have waited for u… for a while” she smiled  and he sighed pushing the gear and heading towards Sabdurjung Enclave. Her eyes where gleaming with new hopes,new wishes just after seeing the little of the new place . The fact that she is a small town girl who cracked her JEE exams and stood 1^st in her town which lead to her admission in one of the prestigious colleges of the country ..IIA, Delhi  where all the topmost architecture grad come out ….. was some what  now striking her head. In her eyes one can clearly see her high ambitions burning and many dreams big enough to be fulfilled. That was almost a half an hour ride to her aunts place. When she reached there , it was late evening  and inside the house  there was her aunt with her young cousin sister and brother . All three waiting eagerly for Disha’s arrival. Soon , the door creaked open and there Disha could see the house full of surprises J.

TO BE CONTINUED………

"The FIRST......"

When you google the word “love”. which I know hardly any one does…it comes up as “ a feeling of affection, emotion . attraction…”.. and blah blah stuffs written which is unimportant  because we all know what it actually means .We are brought up in that very way of believing in fairy tale love stories from Cindrella to Beauty and the Beast….from Snow white to Repunzell .and every other mythical and “oh-so-romantic “ stories.Every vein in our blood is much aware of the world of romance,credits definetly goes to industry that has  completed a  century i.e. the bollywood …. From Bachchan romancing Rekha to Ranbir Kapoor  confessing love to Deepika ….we all love those moments. Deep down we even have picturised the best Romantic scene from our favourite movie we would love to have with our partner. Even I being a girl of nineteen years old have pretty much high expectation on love… despite of the fact that none of the stories has resulted into any serious one…..

                                                 

Let me start with one of my favourite story……” My First Crush” ……

It all started nine years ago….. long ago… those days I was busy figuring out which Enid Blyton stories are my favorite  ones….. to be precise I was dwelling with the trauma of leaving my morning shift school and going to the noon shift one…. I was scared with the fact that  what if on  my very first day I come to know that my best friend will not be  there in my section and I will be  all alone in the class with no one to talk to…… I know these all are complete bogus thoughts I was worrying about but cumm’on I was just 10 back then…..its all about stupid things to worry  and talking to imaginary friends around!!!..So I went to school with my dad and saw my best friend there in the class keeping a place for me in the first bench… (During our school days there was always a tough competition as for who would sit in the first bench which is completely opposite to what we do now….)… So as a start up it all went pretty good for me….. new students around me with one known beside me….:P … It was around early 10 in the morning that we all had assembled in the assembly hall for our daily prayers …. Where I saw a crying boy … trying very hard to cope up with everyone around him.. he was murmuring something…god knows what but that was not one of those prayers which we recite.Being from a convent school we generally have a very strict assembly function every alternative mornings…”Pin drop silence” is the main code of conduct.Thus his mewling was something that was known to everyone in the hall, I was kind of wondering. “whats wrong with him?!!”… After a few minutes our class teacher noticed him and and some how managed to console him and prevented him from crying more and thus the rest part of the assembly went in a proper manner.After the assembly we all went in queue back to our classes and I sat in my first bench happily…when I noticed that boy entering our class with “cry face” being the only constant thing. He went and sat in the single seater beside me. As the classes continued, I got much busy with my friends caring little of what he was doing… Honestly, his cry baby face was kind of irritating for me. Later , that day in every class ,every teacher came and asked us our intro .From there , I came to shortlist few things common in between all of us , one was we all were not exactly unknown to each other… few people here are still familiar and another we all 45 of us are surely going to have a long journey in the near future J (which we actually had!) . Well, talking about that mysterious crying boy … I somehow came to know about his name and he had migrated from KV to here at HCS  not that I was bothered .. I was not even interested to have any interaction with him but sad that thing had happened in no time. Few days later there was sudden new streak in our school of the Tiffin boxes getting stolen.So, pretty soon one day his box was stolen and incidentally while  he was busy figuring out where his box was  and  I was the only one present in the class eating my tiffin and his puppy face made me kind enough to offer him some  food…and this is how we came to know each other. With time we grew equally fond of each other and were great friends. Well time, as it is said is very precious. In fact, I always found that chemistry and time are a great combination  but  timing~ its a bitch .On our class 10^th farewell day, he told me that he will not do his higher studies from here but will have to move out of town and go to Delhi as his father got transferred there. I was happy!.. happy with the fact that he’ll go out of this well and see a better ocean and considering the fact that the kind of bright student he was with proper guidance from there he could easily crack the IITs. So, I happily told him to go for it and after seeing my reaction his dim face was lit up. That day after I went back at home, I cried a lot… a lot!!!. I felt that there was a hole inside my heart … like some one had punch me very hard , and the pain was excruciating to bear. I realized at that time how much I loved him.. how much he meant to me. I wanted to go and say this to him but then I pulled myself from doing that , I don’t know why ….I never had achieved that much of guts to go and do that….and so he was gone, long before I can ever tell him what he meant to me …….And, this is how my first embarrassing love story ended up..

A day like today, when there is just me, my closed room and the ceiling fan…. I think of him. All those memories that has etched in my mind about us… our fights, his smile, my tears…..my past. I know that the “past” is always tempting, but you cannot  keep on going back there as it leaves you with nothing but bitter feelings.  Sometimes, I  think that what if I could have gathered some courage and told him that I liked him. At least , I wouldn’t have  been left back with a big  “if only” in mind. Today, there would have been no chances for any false-hopes, no chance for any delusion…and I could have dealt with the harsh yet honest universe with much guts! But, well life is all about keeping hopes.. knowing the most chances of how impossible that work is u still want to do it. In that process you might stumble and end up with something  which u probably have no idea of.. no matter how disastrous or even fruitful the result is, but you just enjoy it. I know I shouldn’t dishearten myself by one such incident, because down there I know that he and I where not the perfect two to be. Well, there  are many people present in this world and we will meet many amongst that many … some will leave a mark in our life some wont….. some will stay forever … some wont. But that’s true each and every one has at least the tiniest of importance in every one’s life and that’s what counts. So I try to be optimistic with the fact that I may have lost him… but I guess I deserve someone much better or perhaps the best one is down there waiting for me .. and when the time is right he will himself come to me ….. so for now all  I  need to do is just look at the horizon J

 “Sometimes, things need to fall apart to make way for the better things” ~ Quoted from “How I Met Your Mother”

The First Thought

Thoughts are those abrupt feelings that suddenly come into your mind.. resides there for few seconds.... and then suddenly they are gone.. only reminiscence is that deja vu feel when you again  somehow find that thought lost somewhere... You try to catch up..try to feel the feelings that you once felt.... Perhaps it might be true how lame your views may turn out but there is no harm in remembering them...... so u continue thinking and thinking........, and then it turns out that you have got a new thought to think about.... and thus the whole process continues...........