"The FIRST......"

When you google the word “love”. which I know hardly any one does…it comes up as “ a feeling of affection, emotion . attraction…”.. and blah blah stuffs written which is unimportant  because we all know what it actually means .We are brought up in that very way of believing in fairy tale love stories from Cindrella to Beauty and the Beast….from Snow white to Repunzell .and every other mythical and “oh-so-romantic “ stories.Every vein in our blood is much aware of the world of romance,credits definetly goes to industry that has  completed a  century i.e. the bollywood …. From Bachchan romancing Rekha to Ranbir Kapoor  confessing love to Deepika ….we all love those moments. Deep down we even have picturised the best Romantic scene from our favourite movie we would love to have with our partner. Even I being a girl of nineteen years old have pretty much high expectation on love… despite of the fact that none of the stories has resulted into any serious one…..

                                                 

Let me start with one of my favourite story……” My First Crush” ……

It all started nine years ago….. long ago… those days I was busy figuring out which Enid Blyton stories are my favorite  ones….. to be precise I was dwelling with the trauma of leaving my morning shift school and going to the noon shift one…. I was scared with the fact that  what if on  my very first day I come to know that my best friend will not be  there in my section and I will be  all alone in the class with no one to talk to…… I know these all are complete bogus thoughts I was worrying about but cumm’on I was just 10 back then…..its all about stupid things to worry  and talking to imaginary friends around!!!..So I went to school with my dad and saw my best friend there in the class keeping a place for me in the first bench… (During our school days there was always a tough competition as for who would sit in the first bench which is completely opposite to what we do now….)… So as a start up it all went pretty good for me….. new students around me with one known beside me….:P … It was around early 10 in the morning that we all had assembled in the assembly hall for our daily prayers …. Where I saw a crying boy … trying very hard to cope up with everyone around him.. he was murmuring something…god knows what but that was not one of those prayers which we recite.Being from a convent school we generally have a very strict assembly function every alternative mornings…”Pin drop silence” is the main code of conduct.Thus his mewling was something that was known to everyone in the hall, I was kind of wondering. “whats wrong with him?!!”… After a few minutes our class teacher noticed him and and some how managed to console him and prevented him from crying more and thus the rest part of the assembly went in a proper manner.After the assembly we all went in queue back to our classes and I sat in my first bench happily…when I noticed that boy entering our class with “cry face” being the only constant thing. He went and sat in the single seater beside me. As the classes continued, I got much busy with my friends caring little of what he was doing… Honestly, his cry baby face was kind of irritating for me. Later , that day in every class ,every teacher came and asked us our intro .From there , I came to shortlist few things common in between all of us , one was we all were not exactly unknown to each other… few people here are still familiar and another we all 45 of us are surely going to have a long journey in the near future J (which we actually had!) . Well, talking about that mysterious crying boy … I somehow came to know about his name and he had migrated from KV to here at HCS  not that I was bothered .. I was not even interested to have any interaction with him but sad that thing had happened in no time. Few days later there was sudden new streak in our school of the Tiffin boxes getting stolen.So, pretty soon one day his box was stolen and incidentally while  he was busy figuring out where his box was  and  I was the only one present in the class eating my tiffin and his puppy face made me kind enough to offer him some  food…and this is how we came to know each other. With time we grew equally fond of each other and were great friends. Well time, as it is said is very precious. In fact, I always found that chemistry and time are a great combination  but  timing~ its a bitch .On our class 10^th farewell day, he told me that he will not do his higher studies from here but will have to move out of town and go to Delhi as his father got transferred there. I was happy!.. happy with the fact that he’ll go out of this well and see a better ocean and considering the fact that the kind of bright student he was with proper guidance from there he could easily crack the IITs. So, I happily told him to go for it and after seeing my reaction his dim face was lit up. That day after I went back at home, I cried a lot… a lot!!!. I felt that there was a hole inside my heart … like some one had punch me very hard , and the pain was excruciating to bear. I realized at that time how much I loved him.. how much he meant to me. I wanted to go and say this to him but then I pulled myself from doing that , I don’t know why ….I never had achieved that much of guts to go and do that….and so he was gone, long before I can ever tell him what he meant to me …….And, this is how my first embarrassing love story ended up..

A day like today, when there is just me, my closed room and the ceiling fan…. I think of him. All those memories that has etched in my mind about us… our fights, his smile, my tears…..my past. I know that the “past” is always tempting, but you cannot  keep on going back there as it leaves you with nothing but bitter feelings.  Sometimes, I  think that what if I could have gathered some courage and told him that I liked him. At least , I wouldn’t have  been left back with a big  “if only” in mind. Today, there would have been no chances for any false-hopes, no chance for any delusion…and I could have dealt with the harsh yet honest universe with much guts! But, well life is all about keeping hopes.. knowing the most chances of how impossible that work is u still want to do it. In that process you might stumble and end up with something  which u probably have no idea of.. no matter how disastrous or even fruitful the result is, but you just enjoy it. I know I shouldn’t dishearten myself by one such incident, because down there I know that he and I where not the perfect two to be. Well, there  are many people present in this world and we will meet many amongst that many … some will leave a mark in our life some wont….. some will stay forever … some wont. But that’s true each and every one has at least the tiniest of importance in every one’s life and that’s what counts. So I try to be optimistic with the fact that I may have lost him… but I guess I deserve someone much better or perhaps the best one is down there waiting for me .. and when the time is right he will himself come to me ….. so for now all  I  need to do is just look at the horizon J

 “Sometimes, things need to fall apart to make way for the better things” ~ Quoted from “How I Met Your Mother”